Thursday, September 18, 2008

Comparing Candidates

I don't have time for a serious post, so I'm cheating. This is from a viral email worth passing on...

Let me see if I have this straight…

If you grew up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're 'exotic and different.'
BUT IF you grew up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, yours is a quintessential American story.

If your name is Barack, you're a radical, unpatriotic semi-foreigner.
BUT IF you name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a true-blue, mainstream American.

If you graduated from Harvard law School, you are unstable.
BUT IF you attended five (5) different colleges before graduating, you're stable and well grounded.

If you spent three (3) years as a community organizer; became the first African American President of the Harvard Law Review; created a voter registration drive that registered over 150,000 new voters; spent twelve (12) years as a Constitutional Law professor; spent eight (8) years in the Illinois State Senate representing a district with more than 750,000 people; spent four (4) years in the United States Senate representing 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment & Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
BUT IF your total resume is: local weather girl; four 4 years on the city council and six 6 years as the mayor of a town with fewer than 7,000 people; 20 months as the governor of a state with 650,000 people, if all that is true, then your ”extensive” experience qualifies you to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising two (2) beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
BUT IF you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, then you left your wife and married that heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age-appropriate sex education, including how to protect yourself from predators, you are eroding the fiber of society.
BUT IF you staunchly advocate abstinence education with no other option in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, and then gave that up to raise a family, your family values don't represent America's
BUT IF your husband is nicknamed 'First Dude,' with at least one DUI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.


Mortart said...

This is a brilliant analysis of the candidates. Too bad there are so many yahoos out there who fail to recognize it. Have no fear, however, because Sarah Palin is getting a tutorial today on foreign affairs from Henry Kissinger.

Hoots said...

Great, Mort! Thanks for the heads up. I feel all better.