Saturday, May 17, 2008

Levantine Humor

Replay post here.
First published in March, 2006.
Found this list of illustrations at UAE Community Blog.

The Moo Story

SOCIALISM:You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM:You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.

NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

AN EGYPTIAN CORPORATION:You have two cows. Both are voting for Hosni Mubarak!!!!

DUBAI SYSTEM:You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to resale the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first to attract attention.

QATAR SYSTEM:You have two cows. They've been sitting there for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is doing; you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cow in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.

SAUDI SYSTEM:Since milking the cow involves nipples the government decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other.

BAHRAIN SYSTEM:You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the government and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decide to employ ten Bahrainis to milk all the cows at the same time so cut back on unemployment.

LEBANON SYSTEM:You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by the government.

And from the comments thread...

Zionism: You had had no cows since the Romans took the last one from your ancestors 2000 years ago. One day you have a vision of Jewish cows mooing in Jerusalem, so you sell your jewelry business and move there. You force yourself into your neighbor’s farm and you kick the Arab family out at gunpoint. You call the place home, change the farm’s name from Mazra’at Mahmoud Abdulhadi to Blooming Desert kibbutzim, and the cows’ names from Fatima and Leila to Rachel and Shoshana. You train one cow to work as an assassin with the Mossad and you give the other cow to your relatives who just arrived from Russia and decided to settle into yet another Arab farm nearby. You then go to America crying for help and generous Uncle Sam gives you 40 cows and a kiss on the ass.

Yemen - You had a cow. It got kidnapped.

Palestine: You have 1 holy cow. Christians, Jews and Muslims couldn’t agree on how to share the blessing; they ripped the cow to pieces. You now have milk and blood spelled everywhere and a very dead cow.

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