Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Baseball as a religious experience

Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand.
--Leo Durocher


Pejman, live-blogging a baseball game...

The PejmanFather and I are currently pilgrims in an unholy land as we are attending a baseball game between the Minions of Satan (also known as the White Sox) and the Kansas City Royals. I hasten to add that it was the PejmanFather who got the tickets through work. Right now the Minions of Satan lead 3 to 1. But there remains hope that they will collapse, fall apart and annihilate themselves. Then I will laugh uproariously and run for my life before the uncouth barbarians who call themselves Sox fans kill me.
Further updates as events warrant. In the meantime, feel free to use this as a thread on why the Sox are evil and should be forced to spend eternity enduring especially painful hernias.

UPDATE: Frank Thomas just hit a solo shot in the stands. 4-1. Fans cheer uproariously around me. I am enraged. Dark Side of the Force rampant.

ANOTHER UPDATE: A run just scored. 5-1. God hates me.

A THIRD UPDATE: Royals just scored two in the top of the 4th. 5-3. I revel in the misery of the fans.

A FOURTH UPDATE: The fans revel in my misery, as another run scores for the Sox. 6-3. Meanwhile, some guy in a cubs shirt (an enlightened Chicagoan) just got booed within an inch of his life. Would this be a bad time for me to put certain affairs in order?
Sox just scored again. 7-3. S---.

A FIFTH UPDATE: Royals scored 3. 7-6. Happy days are almost here again.

A SIXTH UPDATE: Damn that Jermaine Dye. 8-6 in favor of the Satanettes.

A SEVENTH UPDATE: Back to back solo shots for the Royals. Sisters are being kissed.
Just few minutes ago, beautiful women were tossing T-shirts in the stand. You know, they could just come up and say hello. I'd even let them guest-blog.

AN EIGHTH UPDATE: I forgot to mention that at the beginning of the game, some degenerate brand of film hagiography about the Satanettes was shown. Curiously, there was no mention of Shoeless Joe and the gang . . .

A NINTH UPDATE: Sox just scored 3 runs. 11-8. I curse my existence.
"Take Me Out To The Ball Game" sung. Substituted "Cubbies" for "White Sox."

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