WaiterRant is among my favorite blogs. If this guy's not putting together a book he's missing a great chance. His stories are pearls. I'm biased, of course, because of three decades in the food business. Often I say to myself "Been there; done that." This most recent snapshot is a perfect example.
“I know they’re mashed potatoes,” she huffs, “But what are they doing on my plate?”
I know what’s happening. The woman’s on a diet and she forgot to ask what comes with her entrée. Lacking the self discipline to abstain from eating her potatoes she’s gonna work her food issues out on me. Does she actually think the spuds will congeal into ass fat before the night is over? Probably.
“All entrees are served with potato and vegetable,” I reply politely.
“Does it say that on the menu?” the woman counters. Uh oh - a lawyer type.
“It does Madam.”
“I want to see the menu.”
Fun read, this. But the previous scene, though it starts out amusing, turns quietly serious at the end. The comments thread is a testament to the waiter's true calling. Whether or not he advertises himself as such, this man is a minister.
“I don’t want this drink on my check,” the man says, “I’ll pay for it separate.”
“Yes sir.”
“And don’t let it slip to my friends that I’ve had a cocktail or two waiting for them.”
“I understand sir.”
No further explanation’s necessary. But the guy decides to explain himself anyway.
“My friends are pains in the asses,” he says, “Health nuts you know?”
“I’ve met the type sir,” I reply.
“Can’t ever enjoy a drink when they’re around,” he grouses, “They’re always lecturing me.”
The anecdote is only the beginning. Some of the comments can reduce the reader to tears. There are few people without personal experience with substance abuse. And no, it isn't always you. Too often it is someone you love.
This is one of the most compelling reasons I know for prayer.
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